The European Commission has just announced an agreement herebyEnglish will be the official language of the European Union ratherthan German, which was the other possibility. As part of thenegotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will bedropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion, andkeyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which havealways ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre thatthe horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful andit should go away.
By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing”th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultisand evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of aunited urop vil finali kum tru.