Just to let you know that most of the answers ARE wrong.

The following questions and answers were collected from last year’s
GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing
their fifth form (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!!

(16 year olds are stupid – but we love ‘ em. They cheer up a teacher’s day no end)


Q. Name the four seasons?
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q Explain the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What is a planet?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky

Q. What causes the tides in the ocean?
A. The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the Moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.


Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


Q. What happens to your body when you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow (He got an A)

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowls, A,E,I,O and U.

Q. What is the Fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does “varicose” mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q. Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”?
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.


Q. Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word “benign” mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sikh wars on his head.